Anna Wintour is one of my heroes, but they say that I’m more influential. As great as it is, Vogue won’t change a designer’s business.

— Stylist-to-the-stars Rachel Zoe
“Being Rachel Zoe”
Sep 2007 The New York Times Magazine

Why It’s Moronic

Zoe (pronounced “zoh”) got tongues wagging when she made this comment about her celebrity and influence compared to Anna Wintour, the all-powerful editress of Vogue (upon whom The Devil Wears Prada’s impossible antagonist is based).

This seems to be another case of I-think-I’m-bigger-than-I-am-itis. Yes, it’s a big deal to be profiled by the NYT, but I submit that outside fashion circles of New York and LA, most of America wouldn’t be able to name the woman if shown a photo.

Hundreds of advertisers would disagree about the assertion that Vogue can’t change a designer’s business. If advertising doesn’t work, it doesn’t sell.

Let’s give this comparison five years and see who comes out on top: The top fashion magazine that was established in 1892 and currently demands over $100,000 per full-page ad, or a heavy-handed marketer who’s been accused of encouraging drug use and anorexia to skinny up her charges—who’ve included Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan, and Mischa Barton at their thinnest.

We’re going to review the facts. … Well, we’re going to look at all the facts. … Well, we’re going to look at all the facts in this case. … We are going to be looking. No, we are going to be looking at the facts. That’s all I can say.

— Chicago Mayor Richard M. Daley
“$100 million question elicits 10-cent answer...”
July 1999 Chicago Tribune

Why It’s Moronic

One of the pleasures of being a Chicagoan is witnessing the oratory antics of Mayor Richard M. Daley. He’s the guy who, during summer heatwaves, holds press conferences to remind the public not to do things like “lift weights in the sun” or “wear fur coats.” Seriously, the guy is not known for his intellect.

Chicago Tribune columnist John Kass has scored countless aces simply by publishing verbatim mayoral quotes, all the while keeping Daley in political check. (Some people’s judgment gets clouded simply because Daley plants a lot of greenery. Yes, the City of Big Shoulders is beautiful, but there’s a lot o’ nasty business behind the scenes.)

Rumor always has been that Daley’s in bed with mobsters, and in 1999, he found himself in trouble for allegedly having awarded an organized-crime family city contracts worth $100 million. When asked several questions about the scandal during a press conference, the mayor’s lack of verbal prowess (aka his low “Clinton Quotient”) was obvious.

I really wish someone really ballsy would come along. If you were in the same situation, wouldn’t your instinct be to say, “I answered your damn question; please shut up?” Why don’t politicos stop being so politically correct and start voicing some real thought? (Is that too much to ask?)

Click the article title for the complete story.

I’m so, I’m so happy that you have this, because really it makes it cute and sweet and not scary… like a stuffed animal. You know, it’s just nice and friendly.

— Tyra Banks
“What’s Up Down There?”
November 2007 Tyra

Why It’s Moronic

When I heard the hype about Tyra’s “What’s Up Down There?” show, I was kind of impressed. Twenty years ago, would a show about frank vagina talk would be allowed on daytime TV? I thought, Tyra and her experts are sure to be upfront and informative, using lots of charts, photos, and technical jargon. It seemed like a good service for a young girl who is oppressed into thinking her genital region a far-off sector of the universe that doesn’t deem exploration.

Then came out an expert with a “vulva puppet.” Made of brown, magenta, and purple velvet and satin, the virtual stuffed animal was intended to make genitals more understandable to women. (What?) And even with the expert’s warning that “you likely won’t see velvet or satin on yours” (ha ha replied the audience), I found the thing a lackluster—and potentially confusing—representation of the real thing. I hope no male virgins were taking notes, because it’s just going to be disaster for them if they try to navigate the real-world landscape according to Tyra’s velveteen map.

Tyra furthered the weirdness by implying that real genitals are “scary.”

I was deadly with my backhand.

— OJ Simpson
workout video outtakes
YouTube

Why It’s Moronic

The day before the murders of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman, The Juice was finishing up a three-day recording session for a proposed workout video series. Outtakes from the video footage were subpoenaed for the murder trial as evidence of OJ’s state of mind.

I don’t know that this is evident of any wrongdoing on Simpson’s part, but in retrospect, it’s entertaining (in a morbid way) to hear all of his bloody puns and jokes... and it’s slightly weird to see him as the photogenic, charismatic character we remember from before the throat-slashing incident. Remember that some of this footage is from the day before the infamous double-homicide. (Latest polls estimate that 74% of people believe OJ did it.)

Watch the whole thing at YouTube.

People used to ask June [Carter Cash] how, how she was doing, and she used to say, “I’m just tryin’ to matter,” and I know what she means, you know. I’m just tryin’ to matter and live a good life and make work that means something to somebody, and you have all made me feel that I might’ve accomplished that tonight.

— Reese Witherspoon
Oscar acceptance speech
2006 Academy Awards

Why It’s Moronic

Oscar winners need to settle down. Most think winning a statue—awarded by an exclusive group of colleagues—means they’re doing work that’s of paramount (ha ha, “Paramount”) importance to the world. (The public would give a fairer judgment of which Hollywood insiders matter to the general health of the world.) Reese, the daughter of a physician and a nurse, should know where actor-who-generally-stars-in-romantic-comedies stands in the hierarchy of important life purposes.

Don’t get me wrong: There are important films and important contributors to film, but it’s irritating to hear some of these people stroke themselves for showing up and doing their luxe jobs for a few weeks while there are doctors, nurses, and tons of other laborers who work hard for thirty years without any recognition, red carpet, or Nina Ricci gowns. If I won an Oscar (not that I’m trying), I’d really have mixed feelings about it, because 90% of that business is BS and hype.

Ms. Witherspoon is alleged to be a total hard-ass perfectionist (guess you’d have to be to demand her $29 million-per-picture price tag), but she sure is great at pulling out the simple-girl Nashville charm during appearances and interviews. The girl is good!